I feel as if every third post from last semester began with an apology from me to my poor blog for how infrequently I dropped by to write new posts. Oh, blog, I am so sorry, but I seem to be doing no better this semester, despite every one of my best intentions to improve in this regard. I am still here, though, still dancing and taking walks through the streets of Saint Petersburg, watching as the setting sun nibbles away more of our daylight hours each time it sinks below the horizon.
Perhaps my absence has been a reflection of the difficulty I had during the first months of this new semester, my return to blogging a sign that I'm back on my feet. Change was in the air as the semester opened; less than three weeks after I returned to Saint Petersburg, I was moved to the class parallel to the one in which I studied last year (excepting certain unusual circumstances, each level has two classes of both girls and boys, one referred to as the A course and the other as the B course - a student switching from one to the other is unusual, but not unheard of). An unexpected change, this meant that all of my dance classes are taught by different teachers than the ones that had taught me last year, and I now study amongst classmates different from the ones amongst whom I had grown familiar and comfortable. Add to this a general feeling of stress that accompanied me when I returned to Russia in September, and I was left feeling a bit as if myself and my surroundings had been knocked off-kilter.
Perhaps I haven't been blogging because I wish to be neither miserable nor dishonest, unwilling to make this blog a place to post my personal lamentations or a facade of untruthful happiness. Life isn't perfect, nor should it be, but things do have a knack of working themselves out and getting better. It's surprising how much can change over the course of a year, but perhaps even more shocking how much can change during just two months.
Uncomfortable in my new place, I wanted desparately for things to go back to how they had been, but why should I wish to go back when I need to move forwards? On my last day taking class with my former teacher, she told me that the change, while it might be difficult, would be for the best; I should take it as an opportunity to move on - to a different environment, with different people - and open myself up to learn and absorb new things. I felt alone at first, unsure and obtrusive, but slowly have begun to notice myself finding my own place in my new class as simultaneously they shifted themselves to give me the room to fit in.
Perhaps it's not changing surroundings that really matter, but rather a changing of mindset. Am I a different person than I was two months ago? Probably not, though I don't really know. What is certain is that I have changed, evolved, into the person who I am now, stronger than the person who I was before. The events and circumstances that have spurred this evolution have not been kind or pleasant, but I've made it through and come out on the other side as a more resilient person than I started off.
People frequently say that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, though the sentiment behind this is more accurately represented with a slightly different statement: what doesn't kill you gives you an opportunity to make yourself stronger. Perhaps in September I simply wanted to believe this, but now I can say that I do.
Perhaps my absence has been a reflection of the difficulty I had during the first months of this new semester, my return to blogging a sign that I'm back on my feet. Change was in the air as the semester opened; less than three weeks after I returned to Saint Petersburg, I was moved to the class parallel to the one in which I studied last year (excepting certain unusual circumstances, each level has two classes of both girls and boys, one referred to as the A course and the other as the B course - a student switching from one to the other is unusual, but not unheard of). An unexpected change, this meant that all of my dance classes are taught by different teachers than the ones that had taught me last year, and I now study amongst classmates different from the ones amongst whom I had grown familiar and comfortable. Add to this a general feeling of stress that accompanied me when I returned to Russia in September, and I was left feeling a bit as if myself and my surroundings had been knocked off-kilter.
Perhaps I haven't been blogging because I wish to be neither miserable nor dishonest, unwilling to make this blog a place to post my personal lamentations or a facade of untruthful happiness. Life isn't perfect, nor should it be, but things do have a knack of working themselves out and getting better. It's surprising how much can change over the course of a year, but perhaps even more shocking how much can change during just two months.
Uncomfortable in my new place, I wanted desparately for things to go back to how they had been, but why should I wish to go back when I need to move forwards? On my last day taking class with my former teacher, she told me that the change, while it might be difficult, would be for the best; I should take it as an opportunity to move on - to a different environment, with different people - and open myself up to learn and absorb new things. I felt alone at first, unsure and obtrusive, but slowly have begun to notice myself finding my own place in my new class as simultaneously they shifted themselves to give me the room to fit in.
Perhaps it's not changing surroundings that really matter, but rather a changing of mindset. Am I a different person than I was two months ago? Probably not, though I don't really know. What is certain is that I have changed, evolved, into the person who I am now, stronger than the person who I was before. The events and circumstances that have spurred this evolution have not been kind or pleasant, but I've made it through and come out on the other side as a more resilient person than I started off.
People frequently say that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, though the sentiment behind this is more accurately represented with a slightly different statement: what doesn't kill you gives you an opportunity to make yourself stronger. Perhaps in September I simply wanted to believe this, but now I can say that I do.
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